i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
