ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
