there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
