There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
