Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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