I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
