I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
