And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
