I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
