Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
