I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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