Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
