shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
