I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
