I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
