WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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