Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
