we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
