Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
