We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
