Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
