it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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