Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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