if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
