You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
