just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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