i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it because I queefed?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
