Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
