You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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