My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
