Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
