lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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