So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
