All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
