i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
