I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you didnt know i had herpes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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