and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
