dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
