Your tits are I can't wait for
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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