Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
