in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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