I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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