We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
