When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
