i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
