New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
