bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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