i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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