apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
