dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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