If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
