if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
