she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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