You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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