It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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