This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
