laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
